metamorphosis

I Moved.

2006-04-23T20:47:00.000+08:00

I MOVED.

http://prinxessa.faint-hopes.org
http://prinxessa.faint-hopes.org
http://prinxessa.faint-hopes.org
http://prinxessa.faint-hopes.org
http://prinxessa.faint-hopes.org
http://prinxessa.faint-hopes.org
http://prinxessa.faint-hopes.org
http://prinxessa.faint-hopes.org

please change my link.
Thank You. See You There

Moving On

2006-04-21T20:39:00.000+08:00

Oops! sorry guys, i don't think i can update today or the next day or the day after tomorrow. I'll try to visit your sites but i'm afraid i don't have much time since summer class has already started and i'm currently working on my new site hosted by ate denise.

Please bear with me for a while, I'll be back soon. Gracias.

Unexpected Changes

2006-04-17T20:48:00.000+08:00

Ok from that moment i thought this will gonna be a whole lot different world for me now . I was forced to transfer to a different class (Bye bye BSN Block 5), not because i failed to maintain my grades but because they werent done yet computing it. pfft! I'm starting to really hate that school!

And you know what? some classes has already started today . But you can still see hundred of students lining up and was just about to start filling up their enrollment forms. Why not? They posted the list of enrollees just early this morning and they expected we can fixed it up that easy?! I'm not even on the list, so i hafta talk to whoever damn teacher they point us to and asked for re-evaluation of our grades. And I've just heard they're already making enrollees pay a fine of 20pesos because they are now so called "LATE enrolleess". How could that be? They've just posted the list this morning!!

See, it wasn't even my fault that from now on i will gonna be on a class full of total strangers . Not that i don't think i can get along with em, after all i know about 10% of them 'cause they're my highschool friends/schoolmates and i love meeting new people. It's just because i never thought it will gonna be like this.

I know a lot of times my classmates get into my nerves so much that i just wanted to burn them alive, but still i have learned to live and love them now. I'll surely miss them .

And to make matter worse, me and my ex=~~boyfriend~~ of 1 year and 8 months are gonna be in the same class! ~~Isn't it great?!~~ We're friends and all that but i think it would still be an awkward feeling especially now, that at this early, i can already hear our highschool friends teasing us.

they used to call us "Apat na Sang'gre"

The saddest part really is that our barkada was divided into two groups: blanca, rio, ding and kathy will remain on the same block. Me, Bheybhi and Yska are now in block 9. I'm afraid the two years the four sang'gres (me, rio, bheybhi and blanca) shared together will now end. Ofcourse the friendship will still remain but it's gonna be really different now .

------------

Thanks for the easter gifts jhesca, naynay hanmae and marnil. I love it!! .

hahayyy life

2006-04-14T22:55:00.000+08:00

New layout na naman!! haha bored lang talaga ako.. ok naman diba?

Wala akong ginawa buong maghapon kundi manood. Kabisado ko na nga yata lahat ng palabas sa animax at sa disney channel eh hehe. Oo cartoons pinapanood ko, i'm very young at heart hihi.

Tinry ko nga din mag-fasting eh kaso nung binigyan ako ng daddy ko ng cake, ala na! Naglalaway nah ko.

Wee nyam nyam. Gusto niyo? :lol:

Aside from devouring this cake all by myself and being a couch potato for the whole day, I thought of giving you all a little something for the easter. Here copy it and upload to your own server. :)

Link here

I have also finished doing my first pixel. Hihi I'm loving photoshop. Not that good but i'm totally inlove with cinamaroll right now, so cute!

parang ang sungit niya jan haha

That's all for now. I'll try to make a longer entry next time. Gotta find adventure or wish for something extraordinay to happen in my oh-so-borring life. See yah next time.. :)

Holy Week

2006-04-13T07:09:00.000+08:00

First gusto ko munang mag thank you sa lahat ng nagcomment sa last post ko.. Don't worry i'm ok now. Pero mukhang nabaliw na mommy ko, :P pano ba naman sabi mag-aasawa na lang daw xia ng kano para magka green card xia!! ang sagot ko? isang malutong na HMP! (period).

Well one reason why she wouldn't want to go back here is my dad. I don't wanna elaborate it much pero siguro magegets niyo na rin kahit pano. Obviously sa kabila ng lahat ng ginawa ni daddy sa kanya mahal pa rin niya yun. Hayy ~~martyr~~ lang talaga mom ko.. Kaya ayaw na niya bumalik dito kasi alam niyang masasaktan lang xia, dahil lagi naman wala dito sa bahay daddy ko. Kung san pumupunta? Isipin niyo na lang.

Ewan ko ba.. kaya siguro pagdating sa love masyado akong defensive. Ayoko kasing magaya sa mom ko. Pero minsan hindi rin pala talga mapipigil na maging ~~tanga~~ lalo na at mahal na mahal mo yung isang tao. Ilang beses ko na rin kasing ginawa yun pero sa tingin ko naman mas matapang ako kesa sa mommy ko. I think i've learned na rin from them.

---

Ok change topic. It's holy week again yet ang dami na namang naglalabasang intriga tungkol kay Jesus, sa simbahang katoliko at sa kung anumang related sa ganito.

Madami na rin akong nabasa at napanood na mga so called "secrets of the bible" kuno. Nabasa ko na yung Da Vinci, wala naman akong nakitang masama dun, neither did it rocked my faith. Para sakin kase eh ano naman kung totoo na may asawa si Jesus (which is Mary Magdalene daw), or that hindi xia kasing holy na as in pure na walang kasalanan like what the church have thaught us? Para sakin, ang mahalaga yung mga mabubuting turo niya,yung mga words and ways na gusto niyang ipakalat sa mundo. Yung mabuhay tayo ng may purpose o silbi para sa sarili at sa kapwa natin.

Yung Gospel of Judas naman, na nagsasabing hindi talga nagtaksil si Judas kay Jesus at inutos lang talaga sa kanya ni Jesus na ipagkanulo siya nito, hmm para sakin ewan ko parang naniniwala ako. Hindi ko alam kung maganda lang pagkaka-present ng national geographic sa story na yun or what. Basta mahirap din naman basta na lang maniwala..

The Gospel of Judas

Ayun, wala na kong masabi. Tayo'y magnilaynilay na lang at magdasal. Sabi nga wala namang lihim na hindi nabubunyag.

THE MOMMY /might/ RETURN

2006-04-09T16:29:00.000+08:00

My mom called last night. She said they'll probably gonna send her back here in the Phils on August, her fifth year abroad. She's a TNT (Tago ng Tago) there, y'know. Yeah i know, illegal alien.. but we have no choice. If she didn't went there i have probably stopped schooling now.

I am definitely missing her. There was actually a point when i called her crying because me and my bro had a fight, begging her to come back because i felt like nobody in this house can understand me anymore but her..

Namimiss ko yung time na dinadala niya ko sa mall para ibili ng bagong damit. Namimiss ko yung kumakain kami sa labas tapos bibilan niya ko ng Happy Meal. Namimiss ko yung inaayos niyo yung buhok ko papunta sa school. Namimiss ko yung may taong nakakakita na may problema ako kahit hindi ko sabihin. Namimiss ko yung mga nights na siya yung kayakap ko sa pagtulog. Namimiss ko yung may nagbubunganga sakin kapag nakatanga lang ako sa bahay. Namimiss ko yung mga drama niya, yung bagets niyang pananamit, yung ~~pustiso~~ niya :P, lahat.. as in lahat..*umiiyak nah ko, my god!*

I missed her, but i am not really sure what's gonna happen once she's here again. Walang trabaho ang dad ko (as far as we know), and hindi na rin sigurado ng mom ko if she can get her job back here again. Sabi naman kailangan lang daw talga umuwi 'pag 5 years na dun. She can always go back, but the problem is, baka wala na kaming pera para makabalik siya ulit dun..

Now, one part of me is happy to know that she might be home again, but another part is.. idunno i'm not sure..hayy I hope everything will be ok.

new SUMMER layout

2006-04-07T11:47:00.000+08:00

Wee!! ok new layout again..
i'm not really supposed to change the layout but i think you would find it weird to see a rainy day layout when it is effin' hot outside. Nevertheless i like how it looks, i got the image from here and put it all together using photoshop.

*sigh* i wish i was that babe, enjoying a day in the beach. But that would never happen. Thanks to summer classes and friends who screwed up our plan in going out of town to see some "real" aqua.

---
Ow by the way i tried vectoring my picture yesterday,

i know it looks funny and it doesn't really look like me, but hey i'm just a beginner! hehe

i think i got no other things to blog about. I had a bad day yesterday and i don't really wanna talk about it. Just enjoy your day!! :wink:

Renewal of Love

2006-04-01T19:11:00.000+08:00

It's our 365th day together yesterday! I sure did have a wonderful day.
It all felt like a "renewal of love". We've already talked about some things that was bothering me last thursday and we promised to change things for the better and keep this love thingy alive.

Ok, what happened ba?

He arrived at my place at about 3pm with a single white rose in his hand :blush:. That was the very first time he gave a flower to me and i really didn't expected it. We then went to the mall, ate @ Greenwhich (we're a lil broke to dine in a fancy restaurant :bleh:) and watched the much talked-about romantic movie of the year: Moments of Love. T'was good, but quite impossible, really, to happen in real life (basta ang wafu ni fafa dingdong :chuckles:). Anywei, while at the cinema, he made me wear his jacket cause it's freezin' cold "daw" and he doesn't want me to catch a cold. He said "akin na yung kamay mo" and he slowly guided my way to the pocket of the jacket i'm wearing. There was a box there, he asked me to open it. I couldn't really see it, cause it's dark inside y'know. But i know it's a necklace. He said it has a little heart pendant too. [FYI: i love heart thingies. :)] I thanked and kissed him again (T'was more than 4 weeks ago when i last kissed him. ~~Long story~~). And ofcourse i told him I love him xoxo much!!

The movie was finished at about 6pm. I thought we're going home already but he brought me to the church again. And we prayed, gave thankx to HIM for everything and for keeping us together after all that ~~f*cking worst days~~ our lives. I am happy now, really! And I hope we can still overcome all the trials He is planning to give us to make us stronger.

Cheers to us for more years to come!

01.04.2006
Saturday

Wee! ahaha aren't we CUTE? haha! these are just proofs of another happy moments we shared together. Lookin' good, aye? We're inseparable!!

What's New?

2006-03-30T19:59:00.000+08:00

oh well pano ko ba sisimulan 'to?
Tomorrow is a brand new day. Hopefully a great and memorable day for me, for us.

It's our first anniversary. One year of being stuck together. I don't know if it's destiny or a choice i made. Hindi naman sa hindi ko na siya mahal or that i'm regretting anything. It's just that too much had happened in that short span of time. There was even a point i almost gave up on him. I have almost start believing that there could really be no US. ~~No Kath and Ron.~~

And just these past few days everything seems to be all the ~~same~~. Alam mo yun? Nakakasawa na rin. I'm not saying sawa na ko sa kanya, i'm just getting tired of somethings na pauli-ulit na nagyayari, napaka-redundant na parang hindi na meant talga. Parang ginagawa na lang dahil nakasanayan. Tulad na lang usual text convos namin:

Morning

Him: good morning my! papasok na po ako kumain ka na huh? iloveyou
Me: good morning! ingat, loveyoutoo!
---
Him: Ano ginagawa mo?
Me: Wala, kaw?
Him: katext ka lang, kumain ka na?
Me: hindi pa, kain na tayo?
Him: Cge kain kaw dame. ilove you
ME. Kaw din. loveyou too!

Afternoon
Him: Ano na gawa mo my?
Me: Wala, nag-iinternet kaw?
Him Katext ka lang, Krug krug.
Me: Gutom ka na?
Him: opo, kain tayo?
Me: Cge kain kaw dame.
Him: kaw din. loveyou
Me: loveyou too.
---
Him: wat nah gawa mo?
Me: WAla lang, ikaw?
Him: Wala lang din..
Me: mustah ka na jan?
Him: ok lang.. kaw?
Me: ok lang din.
Him: wat nah gawa mo?
Me: *huh? yun na naman*

Dinner
*kung pano convo namin pag kumakain ganun lagi..

Bedtime
Him: My, hindi ka pa antok?
Me: hindi pa, antok ka na?
Him: opo
Me: mauna ka na matulog
Him: o cge po, basta matulog ka na din agad. loveyou
Me: Opo goodnyt. iloveyou too. sliptyt!
Him: Sweet dreams. Mwahh*

It may sound cute, sweet and kakilig... kaso for 365 days madalas ganyan ang usapan namin sa text. Buti nga sa text lang eh. Personally mas madami naman diyan ang napag-uusapan namin. Pero dahil 5 days a week nasa QC xia at ako nandito sa Nueva Ecija, 5 days a week ganyan lagi.

I love him, i really do. But i can't stand another year like this. I mean, we have our special moments but as days passed by parang ang tamlay na. Alam ko rin naman that he loves me pero minsan hindi ko maramdaman.

Naabsorb ko na rin naman, pareho kaming may pagkukulang dito. That's why i wanna fixed it out. I wanna talk to him and tell him na mahal na mahal ko xia, that i miss US and that i wouldn't let go just like that.

Isang Hating Gabi

2006-03-24T23:02:00.000+08:00

i copied this entry from my offline diary... hehe

Isang hating gabi...
12:04 AM

Hindi ako makatulog. Medyo maraming iniisip at maraming bumabagabag. Sobrang tahimik pero ang dami kong nadidinig (tik-tak tik-tak). Kung bakit ba naman kase ngayon pa nawalan ng kuryente. Dalwang horror movie pa naman napanood ko kanina (The Grudge saka Acacia).

As usual nakadikit ako sa harap ng computer nung mga oras na yun. Kasalukuyang binababoy ang picture ni Kristin Kreuk sa photoshop. Tapos yun na.. WALAAAAAAAAAANG KURYENTE!!!

Tatlong oras ko lang naman binubuno yung picture na yun para gawing layout, mukha na sanang

presentable, pwede ng iharap sa publiko... kaso lang, hahay hindi ko na-isave! paksiyet!!! (Papakita ko sa inyo someday..:bleh:)

So...

wala na kong magagawa dun. Tumayo na ko. Dahan-dahan...

Lumabas si kuya ng bahay. Ewan ko kung nanadyang iwan ako mag-isa dahil OPO I'm afraid of the dark, lalo na pag mag-isa.Siyempre kunwari naman matapang ako para hindi mahalata ng kung sino mang nilalang na pwedeng nagmamasid sakin nung mga oras na yun na pwede kong ikamatay ang pagpapakita nila sakin. Kumakanta-kanta pa ko ng "Nakapagtataka" ala Juris (yun yung huling song na nadinig ko sa MYX) habang naghahanap ng kandila. Namataan ko yung isang kandilang ginamit sa 18 candles ko nung January, may pink na ribbon pa, "pwede na 'to".

Mga 5 taon na ang nakalipas hindi ko pa rin nasisindihan. Walang posporo! At dahil medyo marami nah ko naririnig na kaluskos mula sa banyo, gumana na utak ko. Sinindihan ko sa gasul.

Pumasok na ko sa kwarto dahil binging-bingi nah ko sa katahimikan at nasisilaw na ko sa dilim. 'Pag pasok ko sa kwarto.. Handa ng humiga. Kalimutan ang lahat at magtago sa ilalim ng 4 na malalaking unan at puting kumot (kahit sobrang init). Nakapuwesto nah ko ng
biglang...

"POOF! i became KOKO KRUNCH!"

-THE END-

ahh ehh ewan ko ba kung bakit ganyan yan..
wala siguro kong maisip na ending..
lol corny!!

You Are The One

2006-03-16T17:08:00.000+08:00

wee! favorite song of the moment...kilig ako sa song na' to.. basta ang ganda!! ;)

You Are the One
Serenity

Another day passes by, i'm dreamin' of you
And though i know it might be just a dream, dreams come true
Somewhere, somehow i'll find you even though it takes all of my life (all of my life, oh)
And when i finally do (and when i finally do)
I know inside my heart (i know inside my heart)
That there could be no doubt, i knew it from the start

Chorus:
(you are the one)
You are the one that i've been searching for my whole life through
(you are the one)
You are the one that i've been looking for and now that i have found you
I'll never let you go, i'll hold you in my arms 'coz you are the one

Another night spent alone and i'm lying in the dark (lying in the dark)
I don't know your name but i know there's a voice sings to my heart (voice sings to my heart)
A sweet melody, a symphony of love
I know that come one day (i know that come one day)
A time for you and me (a time for you and me)
To finally be together, 'coz i know we're meant to be

Chorus

Forever is meaningless word even though you're here with me
Here by my side, here in my heart

Instrumental

I'll never let you go, i'll hold you in my arms

Chorus (2x)

Summer.Orange.Friends

2006-03-09T20:31:00.000+08:00

I'm singing: "the heat of summer sunshine"

Wee! Can't wait for the summer.It's really gonna be a very short summer vacation for me, though.

We have so many planned trips, but i dunno if there's any of it that will come to life. Haha.

I am xoxo craving for the beach, the heat of the sun, the sparkling sea water, the white sands and the vigorous sound of the waves. Woah keep on dreaming, kath! It's all in my head.. Ahhh cool summer!

I actually don't care even if we don't get the chance to go somewhere far as the coast. The poolside is enough for me as long as I have my friends and my boyfriend (of course!) with me. But still... that would be a hella great break for me if we do.

--------------

A journey back...

03.06.06

The highlight: I saw HIM today. Gian , my way last summer fling. Hmm nothing really special happened (not that I expected for something out of the ordinary). I just thought of writing it down because... this was the first time in the history of our lives (from the time when we were as tiny as ants :P) that he finally got the courage to look at me and smile. Yeah. No kiddin' He have never done that before. Even at the times when there was a little bit something 'out us, whenever I passed by him he would never even dare to look at me. It's as if we'e strangers.

But this day was different. Wearing that same old orange shirt he has been wearing since that "way last summer" I once again happened to pass by him on my way to Aling Flora's tindahan (he was making his way to his ate's house which is just alongside our house). He looked at me at a glance and flickered a smile, I smiled back (what else would I do?). After all we're friends now.

On my way back home...it's as if struck by fate. Our path crossed once again. It feels a little awkward now. So instead of looking at him, I looked up in the sky. (yeah dumb act!) He might have thought something out of it. But I looked down again. I looked at him and we both burst into laughter. Haha. That was again a once in a lifetime happening, I and he laughing. T'was like centuries ago since we last laugh together.

But yeah... to clear these things out. I posted this "phenomenon" not because I have any other feelings unless stated, for the guy above, but because like what I've said, this is a once in a lifetime occurrence and a part of my everyday experiences that I think is just fine for me to share. I LOVE MY BOYFRIEND. And there is no any other reason for me to be infidel to him.

03.07.06

Wounded Friendship. Again, I'm starting to feel out of place with my "friends". I'm starting to realize I'm different from them or that I'm starting to grow out of them. Slowly the things we've been doing is becoming out of my league, against my desires, and oppose to what I think is the right thing I should be doing.

They've been good friends. I could attest to that. They've been with me during the lowest point of my life and I really felt (at that time) that they really care for me.

But after that... I felt like a useless piece. I don’t even think they would ever notice if I was there or not. I don't even think they could hear me when I talk. I always think they are just always up for the fun, may it be the wrong or right kind of fun. I dunno. I'm not really sure if it's just paranoia or an instinct I should trust.

Is this the time I'm gonna turn my back? Find myself? Unearth the place where I truly belong?

I miss my friends, my real friends. The ones who are so out of reach now and the ones I let go just because I opt for the funnier and livelier circle. I miss them because they have never let me feel this way. They have always been true and they have always inspired me to be a better person. I miss them so much.

Hay I know it would be wrong if I turn my back on them without even letting them know why. I love them too. But at this point I wanna have my own identity. I don't wanna be hiding any longer in another people's shadow. At this point, I don't wanna be just any other follower. Doing it my way would be better even if it takes doing it all alone.

Final Evaluation

2006-03-05T18:04:00.000+08:00

At last, our Final Evaluation was finished last Friday. Hindi ko alam if we did great, nung una kase may mga maagang dumating na panelists from CHO and all we can hear from them were bad comments. Kesyo bakit naman daw ganun theme namin (horror), hindi mga prepared, nakakatakot naman yun. The truth is we really are prepared. Kaya lang medyo na-delay yung program kase may naunang nag-present samin na hindi niligpit yung mga props nila, so we are the ones who have to clean it pa. But at the end of it… it seems to me naman that the other evaluators appreciated what we have done. At alam naman nila that if ever we did some mistakes dahil lang siguro yun sa matinding tension, takot, kaba at sobrang pressure from our Clinical Instructors na rin that are expecting so much from us.

bheybhi and me. Dressed for our doxology performance.

this was during our "shooting" for the play that will be presented in the Final Evaluation's Barangay History.

Bhi, Fritz and Me.

Hayy that’s still a lot to be thankful about! At least we’re done now from all those things and we can really focus now on others subjects.

Can You Help Me?

2006-02-18T22:04:00.000+08:00

I don't know if I'm getting better
Or just used to the pain.

Around everyone else,
I try my best to be me again.
The bubbly blissful Kath everybody knows.
But deep inside...
Deep within me...
I'm still drowning in ~~agony~~ and ~~pain~~.

I don't really know how much one heart can take.
How many times can it be broken?
How many times can it be torn into pieces?
Until you can never patch it up it again...
Until it becomes totally numb...
Until it finally renounces its beating...
Until nothing is left anymore
I don't know.

Slowly, it's killing me...
Wouldn't it be better if I die?
That way I wouldn't have to feel this way.
But is it worth it all?
Dying just because I couldn't take it all?

No! I'm much stronger than this...
I know someday I wouldn't have to pretend...
I wouldn't have to fake the smile...
I just have to be strong...
I just have to face it...
I just have to believe...

I know it has already caused me a lot of ~~trouble~~
following my heart.
But I wouldn't stop...
'Cause even though it's hurting me,
I know it's still the only way
I can make myself happy
Truthfully happy.

So help me God.

happy puso day!

2006-02-14T21:20:00.000+08:00

happy puso day!!!

my valentine's day ain't so bad. It's a choice i made. Patuloy pa din ba kong iiyak para sa isang bagay na alm ko namang hindi na magbabago or i'll forget about it and enjoy life kahit sandali lang. I still have my friends and honestly i know i still have "him", at least i think.Kaya sa tingin ko masasayang lang ang panahon ko kung magmumukmok ako at iisipin kong ako'y nasawi!

Hmmm I know kung sa inyo niya ginawa yung ginawa niya kagabi, baka ma-touch kayo at
patawarin nyo na xia. But not for me, i appreciated him getting out of his way to come home here from Manila, skipping his class and not taking his exam just to try to fix things up, but it's not that easy. I know i can't and i know i still don't want to come back to him. Not now. I'm still hurting. It takes time to heal. Definitely i can't stay mad but i can't "always" pretend that i'm strong. Because i'm not. I'm just a great pretender.

Hayyy, hayy, hayy.. whatever happens.. wherever life takes me.. Saan man ako mapadpad ng pabago-bagong ihip ng hangin... kakayanin ko!

Anyhoo i'll make kwento sa aking "HAPPY" puso day.. i received a cute red balloon from a girl friend.. tapos after class i celebrated valentine's day with mah friends.. inuman lang.. (sila). Tapos yun kwentuhan,gaguhan and everything.. at meron akong nacomplete na mission today haha.. yung sumama sakin yung cute na cute na pamngkin ng friend ko haha.. ang cute talga. Ayaw sumama nung una eh pero nung inuto namin, pinakita ko yung phone ko nalibang sumama sakin haha.. Ang bigat nga lang sumakit braso ko.. LOL
tapos.. tapos nah.. bleh :P that ends my day.. ;)

Panahon

2006-02-12T19:11:00.000+08:00

Kumakanta ako ng: "I cried myself to sleep last night. When I woke up there were tears stained on my pillow."

Hanggang ngayon umiiyak pa rin ako. Parang mas masakit isipin na kahapon lang ang saya-saya namin pero ngayon buong araw parang gripo yung mga mata ko. Ito yung araw na siguro in a way naging proud ako sa sarili ko dahil nagkaroon ako ng lakas ng loob to stand up for myself para sa isang bagay na pinaniniwalaan ko.

Masakit 'pag merong mga bagay na inililihim sa'yo tapos sa iba mo pa malalaman diba? Labas na dun kung meron man silang masamang ginagawa o wala. Ang punto bakit kailangan itago kung wala naman pala? Ilang beses na kong nagpatawad, nasaktan at pinagmukhang tanga pero hinayaan ko lang. Hindi na siguro ngayon . Pero malamang mapatawad ko pa siya at malamang din ilang araw mula ngayon makita nyo ulit kaming magkasama. Hindi malayong mangyari yun, dahil mahal ko siya. Pwedeng hindi mo maintindihan. Wala naman akong pakialam sa sasabihin niyo.. Pero masaya pa rin ako dahil ngayon napatunayan ko sa sarili ko na kaya 'kong mag-isa at kung dumating man yung panahon na tuluyan na talagang matapos kung anong meron kami... alam kong kakayanin ko.

Kaunting panahon. Andito na yun. Hawak ko na. Sana 'pag balik ko may magbago... sana ito na nga yung huli... Ron ,sana…

a-eyndielcoh
calling…

12.2.2006 4:32 PM

Oceans apart day after day
And I slowly go insane
I hear your voice on the line
But it doesn't stop the pain

If I see you next to never
How can we say forever

Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you

I took for granted, all the times
That I though would last somehow
I hear the laughter, I taste the tears
But I can't get near you now

Oh, can't you see it baby
You've got me goin' CrAzY

Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you

I wonder how we can survive
This romance
But in the end if I'm with you
I'll take the chance

Oh, can't you see it baby
You've got me goin' cRaZy

Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you

Ang Party.

2006-01-08T11:18:00.000+08:00

I had a blast last night. Though hindi nagsimula on time.. (2 hours delayed), nagutom ang mga bisita ko, at maraming hindi naka-attend or na-late. Sobrang overwhelming pa rin kahit na xiempre I miss my mom. Hindi ko akalain na ganun yun kachuchal huh? With matching red carpet pa. The program started with my "Grand entrance" kuno escorted by my dad, then the parade of the debutant escorted naman by my bf. Lol Medyo na-feel ko nga na, what the hell am I doing? This is not me at all!

My 18 roses is not complete kaya marami ng nag-proxy, including my bf's bro. Ok naman yung 18 candles, kakatuwa nga yung wish ni Kim eh (my bf's sis).. "ate kath sana makatapos ka ng pag-aaral, maging succesful ka in life and sana MAGING MASAYA KAYO NI KUYA" haha ganun eh? Kakagulat.. :P Lahat sila kilala na bf ko, sweetheart na nga tawag nila eh..lol

And then yun kainan na.hindi na nga ako nakakain xe, lagi akong tinatawag.. slice na daw yung cake, open na daw yung gifts, picture taking na daw ulit. Wakeke! Basta masaya yung after party… swimming na kami tapos inuman.. haha Hindi ko maxiado ma-describe basta puro kalokohan hehe..Umuwi kami ng mga past 11 xe maaga silang sinundo tapos yun.. tapos na! Saka na lang yung pictures hindi pa binibigay eh.. ;)

Happy 18th Birthday!

2006-01-05T23:03:00.000+08:00

Woah! Today's my 18th birthday! Hmm pero wala akong maxiadong kwento.I guess people around me have already set their minds that my birthday will be on Saturday. It will really be celebrated on Saturday, though.

My close friends, teen talker friends and those special persons greeted me naman.. masaya nah ko nun. Maalala lang nila ko at malaman ko lang na mahalaga ko sa kanila oks nah ko dun hehe ;)
Hmm I guess the rest of the story about my 18th birthday will be on Saturday na lang.. hindi ko pa feel ang pagiging 18 ngayon eh..lol. Wish me luck!

Cleaning up

2005-12-30T11:47:00.000+08:00

i was supposed to post this yesterday, kaya lang nagloko i-net eh so eto nah xia...
-----------------------------------------------------

Been busy yesterday so I wasn't able to go OL for so long. I have actually planned to take a break from cyberspace for some time but as you see i'm here again.

Uh-huh what did I do?

Just fixed my room a little.. Clean it up because it doesn't look like a room anymore. Yeah I'm telling you! Honestly you'll be shock when you see the "before" pictures of my room, you might screamed out "bloody hell!". lol ganun katindi!

The reason why i' ve decided to pimp it up a bit is just because it's new year. I don't wanna welcome y2k6 with all the mess and all those trashes I've made from this year still existing. Hmm yeah right malalim yun. Same is true with "real life" I think it’s time for a big cleaning-my-mess mission.

I don't want enemies alright! I don’t even wanna be plastic with anyone anymore. If I like you, then so be it. If I don't, then get away from me I don't wanna talk to you 'cause i don't think there is anything good i can say to you.

Well that brings me to my new year's resolutions... alam ko sasabihin ng iba jologs 'toh. Oo nah! and maybe hindi ko rin naman matutupad lahat o baka nga magawa ko pero sa simula lang, pero ok na rin at least diba my perspective ako on whoever I want to be on years to come. Here goes..

1. I'll think before I act.
2. I'll be more sensitive.
3. I'll be more organize!
4. I'll be more cheerful. *I’ll try to smile at everyone kahit sabihin pa nilang siraulo ako* ;D
5. I'll try not to ~~stereotype~~ people a lot. *very bad*
6. I'll be more independent.
7. I'll be focusing more on the present. *ayoko ng magpaapekto ng masyado sa ~~past~~ nor sa ~~future~~*
8. ~~I will not overspend again~~. *Oh let me rephrase that* TRY not to overspend. Hihi
9. Ok this one's big - I will always come on time.. ;P
10. I will pay more attention on my studies. *nyakk gasgas na yan*
11. I'll think about what other things I can put here lol. *yan muna for now*

Plus aside from that, there are some things I wanna do before 2006 come. Ehem serious 'toh.. From the bottom of my heart, I wanna say sorry to everyone na nasaktan ko.. sadya man or hindi.

Sa mga taong nagmahal sakin pero hindi ko binigyan ng chance to let them in my life again kahit kaibigan lang, I'm sorry.

Sa mga taong tinalikuran ko (though I love them) without telling them why, just because I'm afraid that I am not yet ready for what will happen, I'm sorry.

Sa mga taong nasaktan ko because of my words na hindi ko pinag-iisipan, I'm sorry.

Sa taong nasaktan ko dahil nawala yung TRUST ko I'm sorry.

I am really sorry...

Wahuhu cry nah ko.. nah I feel better now. ;)

And lastly...

Thank You for everyone who have touched my life. I know the space isn't enough kung babanggitin ko pa kayong lahat. You know who you are and I love you all!

Now I think this is the longest post I have ever made. Haha :wink:
Love lots to you all! Have a Merry New YEAr! Happy y2k6!
Godbless!

oh btw share ko lang this one with you.. I woke up early this morning seeing this...

woohoo birthday ko na.. lol

post chritmas POST

2005-12-26T15:58:00.000+08:00

A day after Christmas! Wee!! Before anything else greetings first.. ;D

MERRY CHRISTMAS pa din!

And happy birthday sa mga may birthday!!

Kinakapatid na Jessica, woohoo enjoy your day!

And Mel, my boo’s bro HAPPY BIRTHDAY too!

Hmm well my Christmas seems to be anything but Christmas lolx. Wala lang parang ordinary day lang except sa may handing konti. But I’m still happy and thankful. I still feel so blessed because I have my loving friends, a solid rockin’ lovelife and a family at peace. Kahit hindi nagpakita sakin kahit dulo ng daliri ng mga Ninong. Ninang, tito at tita ko at kahit wala ako pera ngayon.ayos pa rin hehe.. Yun I have nothing to share pa, kayo na lang magkwento.. mwahuggz :-* GODBLESS!!

Haunted

2005-12-21T19:12:00.000+08:00

I've been there.
In that dark frigid nothingness,
I have almost ~~lost grip~~ of myself.

I was running
I don't know from where
Or to where I am going.

Away from the light,
Something's pulling me.
It had almost got me.

I was scared.
Trembling,
Howling,
Blinded by the ~~dark~~.

Worn-out I was,
I rest.
Feeling I have succeeded losing
That daunting "creature",
That was trying to deprive me away
From the one thing that's keeping me whole.

I was ~~wrong~~.
I've been here long enough

Not knowing
That the one thing I'm running away from
Has always been behind me,
Haunting me
Slowly taking me back
From that dark wounding place
I never ~~want~~ to be.

Long Long Journey

2005-12-19T18:56:00.000+08:00

Hayy it has been quite a long day for me. I'm so exhausted, my feet are aching and I feel a bit dizzy, but that's ok I enjoyed the day so much naman. I just came home from a very long trip. I woke up at 2 am to get ready for simbang madaling araw and packed my things up for a trip out of town with my beloved boo. Actually no one knows I'll be leaving except for my two closest friends.

Immediately after the simbang madaling araw, (5:30 AM) we took the bus going to Munoz, Q.C. I'm not really used to going through long trips kaya itinulog ko na lang baka mag-vomit pa ko, cause as far as I remember when I was a kid I usually throw up buckets of buckets of sticky eewy liquids out of my stomach. Lol. Arriving there at about 8 am, we ate our breakfast at chowking and then straightly went to AMACU para samahan ang boo kong mag-enroll for third sem. Tapos yun punta na kaming mall, we decided to go to SM Mega Mall,eh di yun sasakay ng MRT and believe it or not it was the first time I am going to ride on that train. LRT pa yata huli kong nasakyan when I was 9. Haha wala lang promding promdi dating ah?! Well anyway the main reason why we really went there is for a quest to find a dress for my upcoming debut with a tight budget of 1000 peysoz. Uhmm the first dress that caught my eye was a simple pink dress with a few details on top... It costs 699 peysoz. So we decided to stroll a bit more, but still didn't find any hanggang madinig ko na namang kumakalam ang sikmura ko. It’s almost 12 noon na pala kaya kumain na naman ulit kami. Then inaya na nya ko sa kalapit na mall (super tiangge) – St. Francis Square, and there we found the dress. I think it's ok…much better than in what we saw in the department store and it costs less, so we bought it na. Balik kami sa Mega mall, passed by a balloon store eh yun ka-sweetan ang drama ng mahal ko he bought me a cute white heart shaped balloon with another pink heart shaped balloon inside (haha gets nyo?). Then nadaan naman kami sa isang stall full of heartstrings bag. Eh cute na cute ako, I was about to buy it pero inunahan nya kong magbayad. Gift daw niya sakin yun for Christmas... but I wouldn't let it go easily so I bought him a Honey movie VCD, na nag-iisa na lang talaga. Lucky me! :wink: 1 pm ang mahabang paglalakad namin has ended, we are both so tired na talaga eh… Tapos pagbalik namin sa MRT station, balloons are not allowed inside pala, sabi pa ng miss dun "balloon ba yan?" duh obvious ba? pano mo naman nasabing balloon yan? Hindi kaya! Haha we’re not that rude naman sa isip lang namin lol, kaya ayun we deflated it na lang.

Uwian na! On the way home, sa loob ng bus a man selling sweets gave all the passengers a free taste, sarap nga ng macapuno eh. My boo said pa "yan ang gusto ko pag bumabyahe eh may mga free tastes", that reminded me of a sign I saw earlier in the MRT station when i got a copy of the free newspaper - "the best things in life are LIBRE" haha so true! ;D

baon kong ferrero na inubos niyang lahat... takaw! th free newspaper i gotfrom the MRT station lol

bus tickets and the balloon he gave me. ;D

his christmas gift forme! ;D

Unappreciated

2005-12-18T16:00:00.000+08:00

I dunno if i'm being sensitive again or what. I don't wanna carry out my feelings to the public, and put things into worst again. But I really can't help but to feel unappreciated.Parang ako lang ang may gusto ng mga bagay na nangyayari at yung iba napipilitan lang. I don't wanna compare this to what happened before but it just automatically pops out my mind and as if saying no matter how hard you dreamed of it, things will be different this time. Arrrgh maybe it's a lesson learned again. Never expect anything, too much or too less. It will always end up disappointing you anyway...

Another memory came to life again. It was the same month, same days. I can't help but to relive the past. Every time the cool breeze blows me away, I just feel the warmth of his embrace and the safety I feel in his arms. It should have been a happy memory... But why am I weeping?

Sarap Matulog!

2005-12-17T11:16:00.000+08:00

hei! i've just woke up! 11am na. Nagsimba xe ako kanina..
wala pa ko absent sa misa de gallo woohoo!!!
kahapon i'm with my friends, kanina naman i'm with my angel
waaaaaaaaaaah sooper lamig talga
pero hindi ako inantok ngayon gaya kahapon..
kase nakakatuwa yung pari ahehe..

Got a prob pa nga pala sa aking upcoming debut
i still have nothing to wear and it is just weeks away.
Plus, my 18 candles list is still not complete!!
hayyy toxxic mode!!!

Updating ulit...

2005-12-10T23:24:00.000+08:00

iskul bukol. status: still busy
We're up to finishing the map of our assigned area and rehearshing for our play to be
presented on the mid-evaluation on January in our community health nursing.
And oh yeah who would ever forget the first time i cried in class because of total embarassment?!
It's about a play that we should have performed in our RIZAL subject last monday but nada
i don't wanna talk about it, i just wanna burn that teacher alive together with
our clinical instructors who have not done anything but to pressure us in
doing the work we doesn't even know anything yet about! waaaaaaaah...

sosyalan. i'm having a good harmonious relationship with my friends (at least i think). Yipee
unleashing the child within us, last tuesday at our friends house we played patintero,
langit lupa and taguan. That was really fun ahehe though we should have accomplished more in
doing our map.. Certified pasawayz!!!

lampungan. Naman siyempre we're still very together. Pero siyempre din hindi mawawala ang tampuhan.
Just few days ago i feel a bit alone, maybe because he's far and yeah sometimes i still feel he's hiding
something from me.. But all that was changed today. After we have talked about how i feel (last friday)
i can sense he's trying to prove me i have nothing to worry about. Like when i asked him to tell me about
his "past", hindi na siya nag change topic. Instead he told me everything as if making me feel that
it doesnt affect him anymore... that it was all nothing now but a part of his past. And that had made
me love him more and won back my trust on him.

And i think that's all for the week!
I have missed this space really..
so pray that it'll always be alive..
lovelots
MERRY CHRISTMAS!!

Busy Princess

2005-11-17T23:00:00.000+08:00

school. am still a bit busy... there's always a lot to do.home workx, survey in the community, reports, blah blah... gawd nakakabwisit nah. Talaga nga yatang pinakamahirap ang sophomore(BSN) ..kase naman you have to focus sa pag-aaral mo sa loob ng school tapos kailangan mo pa din asikasuhin yung community health nursing sa labas... hmpf

social life. got a bit problem with my barkada few days ago...pero i think ok naman na ngayon. Kami na naman nga ang ginagawang laruan sa klase eh.. kanina nandun pa kami sa harap.. source of amusement ba? lol

lovelife. almost 8 months na kami!! woohoo ;D still going strong naman. Kahit medyo malayo sa isa't isa, kahit minsan hindi namaxiadong nakakapag-kwentuhan or kamustahan. Kahit minsan nasusungitan ko nah xia (buti na lang eh napaka-pasensyo ng eyndiel ko). Hindi ko rin naman xia kayang tiisin.. LOVE is still keeping us alive.

Be Starstruck!

2005-11-16T21:20:00.000+08:00

braise yourself for this one. You are about to see few of the freshest
faces in kingdom enkathlandia.

(drum rolls)

daran!
(clap clap clap)

engk! haha wala lang. We were at the mall at that time. Bored and
xiempre we're all certified camwhores kaya "picture picture... say
'nursingggggggggg fight!!!' " lol Katuwa noh the boys all look like
franzen hehe. Bawal kase mahaba ang buhok sa Community Health Nursing
namin.. *grin* Ma-emote pa ayaw pang magsi-ngiti. harhar..

one year of blogging

2005-11-07T20:59:00.000+08:00

woah i can't believe i've been blogging for more than a year now.and this site has been my home for exactly one year today.sa loob ng isang taon this blogging industry have opened my eyes to a whole lot of things. Not only about myself but also about some things related with everything around here. Yeah! i remember a year ago i don't even know how to operate my blogspot or even how to pimp it up a little.But look at it now! Ako na gumagawa ng layout ko...I now know how to make use of those simple htmls i've learned back in high school. I may not be that expert but i can see some progress here now *haha*.

I know I rarely update my blog entries here, but when i do i know it's really something i have pulled deep within myself. Though I know most often it's not something other people would be interested in reading.. Because it's just actually about my boring life and daily dilemmas. I'm still being careful about spilling some juicy secrets here dahil hindi naman lingid sa kaalaman ko that there are way lotta people who can accesed this site and read everything i choose to post here. So a lot of it still goes through my "offline journal", the traditional dear diary notebook..*rolleyes*

Awkei, now... the question is "why blog?".

I blog because through blogging i was able to express my feelings, myself and let out everything i wanted to say without other people telling me what or what not i should write. This is me. My own business. My own beliefs. And not only i was able to let the world know who i am and what's inside my thoughts.. i was also given the chance to meet other people who share the same feelings, the same dilemmas, the same bliss, the same everything (almost) and that made me feel na sa libong tao sa mundo hindi ako nag-iisa. Marami kaming ganun ang nararamdaman or ganun ang naransan. Unlike sa traditonal diary, na sarili ko lang ang kausap ko.

Indeed, blogging somehow contribute to who i am now and who iwould become and i am damn thankful about it. Cheers to more years of blogging!! *wink*

Unang araw ng ikalawang semester

2005-11-07T20:55:00.000+08:00

i slept for only almost 3 hours last night, err i mean kanina.. xe naman hindi nah ko sanay matulog ng maaga kaya kahit anong pilit ko eh gising na gising parin ang diwa ko until almost 3am. Tapos i woke up at 6amto get ready for a 730 class. Ayun school is ok naman. Ganon pa din walang pagbabago and even the last lectures we had last sem were still written on the board. Our room is still on the upper most layer of the com-sci building - the rooftop. Kaya hingal pa rin ang inaabot namin pagdating sa tuktok.Well actually only one prof showed up before us today. And the rest of my 1st school day was spent entirely in the mall.Yeah that was it. Ooh how i wish i didn't went to school na lang natulog na lang sana ako maghapon, wala namang nagyari..hmmp handang handa na ba naman akong mauto eh *lol*

a new tinkerbell layout here

2005-11-06T20:59:00.000+08:00

waaaaaaaah..
a new layout again!!
i can't believe i'm this good haha..
i really love this one..
because it's black and tinkerbell's in it..
whaddya think?
comments naman oh.. ;)

ooh by the way greetings to my teentalker pamangkin
kweenie kawen, who's celebrating her 17th birthday today..
lovelots sizzie..

tapos na nga kaya?

2005-10-30T13:42:00.000+08:00

Pagkatapos ng ulan na 'yon
unti unti kong narinig ang katahimikan.
Marahil tapos na nga ang gyera
sa gitna ng dalawang pusong
nagmamahal ng iisang tao.

Pero kung sino ang panalo
at kung sino ang natalo,
malinaw para sa akin.
hindi ako ang natalo
lalong hindi siya.
ang totoo
walang namang maiideklarang
talo...

Panalo siya
dahil nagawa niyang ipaglaban
ang isang bagay na pinaniniwalaan
niyang tama at totoo
kahit nasaktan siya.
At sa kabila nun
buo pa rin ang loob.
Patuloy na magmamahal.

Ganon din naman ako.
Marahil hindi niya o ninuman
maiintindihan kung ano
ang naramdaman ko nung mga panahong iyon
At kung bakit nanatiling ganito..
Hindi ko rin naman nais na ipaalam.

Ngayon...
alam ko masaya ako.
Kahit may mga panahong bumabalik ako
at muling nababasa
sa lakas ng ulan na bumuhos.

Ito na ang "ngayon"..
ang mas mahalaga kaysa nakalipas.

Ika-pitong buwan.
marami mang bagay
na mahirap pagdaanan
masaya akong makarating sa tagpong ito
kung saan alam kong
hindi ako nag-iisang tumawid.
Hindi ko alam kung hanggang saan
o hanggang kailan ako may kahawak kamay
sa paglalakad sa ibabaw ng kalyeng 'to
pero handa ako...
anumang oras hayaan ng kapalarang
mag-isa akong humanap ng ibang kalyeng tatahakin.

Ang Sembreak Ko

2005-10-29T20:52:00.000+08:00

Wala mang natupad sa lahat ng pinlano ko para sa sembreak.. I'm thankful na rin dahil at least I was given the time I badly needed for me to have a long long rest. I may have lose the chance to watch hale and m.y.m.p. perform live right before my very eyes, ok lang at least uhmm wala.. kawawa ko lang wala akong pera nun.. ahh hindi, yeah at least may natutunan ako.. next time pag-iipunan ko na talaga ng maaga at i-bubudget ko na ang pera ko. Hindi man ako nakakapag OL for two weeks at least napag-alaman kong kaya ko palang mabuhay ng walang computer.lol. Nasira man ang cable namin at least naaliw din naman ako sa plabas sa tv tuwing hapon na kahit corny eh naaliw pa rin talaga ako. At kahit pa nasira ang cellphone ko, at least nahiram ko ang n-gage ng 'kada ko at natapos ko ang sims bustin'out sa loob ng 4 na araw na pagpupuyat.. lol.

Gayun pa man mas nagpapasalamat ako ngayon dahil dumating na ang allowance ko, tapos na ang walang kwentang sembreak, handa na ulit akong harapin ang mga saragabusab kong blockmates, ang mga pasaway kong kaibigan, ang mga lintek na prof na walang ginawa kundi gawing impyerno ang buhay ng mga estudyante, at ang unibersidad kong napamahal na rin sakin sa kabila ng mataas na tuition fee. Handa na kong muling humawak ng syringes, magtala ng blood pressure, mag-ayos ng kama ng pasyenteng manikin, mag-ipon ng herbal medicine sa "totoong buhay", mag-ipon ng plema ng taong may tuberculosis at kung anu-ano pang nakakadiring bagay na hindi nyo aakalain.

Sa totoo lang isa lang ang gusto ko..ang matapos na ang kahibangan kong ito.. ILABAS NYO KO DITOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

Searching for KATH

2005-10-05T21:21:00.000+08:00

I need time (time)
Love (love)
Joy (joy)
I need space
I need me
(Action!)

Say hello to the girl that I am!
You're gonna have to see through my perspective
I need to make mistakes just to learn who I am
And I don't wanna be so damn protected
There must be another way
Cause I believe in taking chances
But who am I to say
What a girl is to do
God, I need some answers

What am I to do with my life
(You will find it out don't worry)
How Am I supposed to know what's right?
(You just got to do it your way)
I can't help the way I feel
But my life has been so overprotected

I tell 'em what I like
What I want
What I don't
But every time I do I stand corrected
Things that I've been told
I can't believe what I hear about the world, I realize
I'm Overprotected

There must be another way
Cause I believe in taking chances
But who am I to say
What a girl is to do
God I need some answers

What am I to do with my life
(You will find it out don't worry)
How Am I supposed to know what's right?
(You just got to do it your way)
I can't help the way I feel
But my life has been so overprotected

I need... time (love)
I need... space
(This is it, this is it)

I don't need nobody's
Tellin me just what I wanna
What I what what what I'm gonna
Do about my destiny
I Say No, No
Nobody's telling me just what what what I wanna do, do
I'm so fed up with people telling me to be
Someone else but me

(Action!)

What am I to do with my life
(You will find it out don't worry)
How Am I supposed to know what's right?
(You just got to do it your way)
I can't help the way I feel
But my life has been so overprotected

I don't need nobody's
Tellin me just what I wanna
What I what what what I'm gonna
Do about my destiny
I Say No, No
Nobody's telling me just what I wanna do, do
I'm so fed up with people telling me to be
Someone else but me

What am I to do with my life
(You will find it out don't worry)
How Am I supposed to know what's right?
(You just got to do it your way)
I can't help the way I feel
But my life has been so overprotected.

The world has given me enough reasons to believe that now is a period in my life where I don't really know where I am going or who I really want to be. Is this really the "me" I want to be for the rest of my life? Prolly not. As emo as it can get but I can’t really find myself at the moment, identity crisis that is.

I wanna go somewhere but I dunno where. I wanna do something, experience something different but I dunno how. I want to be alone but I don't even know if I have the guts to do anything independently, on my own. I still want to be "me" but better. I'm not asking to be perfect I just want to improved myself.

I need space.

... to think
... to know myself
... to be more.

Updating...

2005-09-22T14:55:00.000+08:00

Hmm honestly I'm not in the mood to say anything.. But it seems like this blog needs some major updates. Haven't blog for a long time again. My dear diary notebook is the only place where I've been pouring out my feelings the last few weeks, which is better than exposing it here in public where some people involve might read it. (baka mag-cause pa ng trouble.) Yeah right I've been pissed off again to some people in the friendster network. Why? Cause some people there which is actually one of my least favorite person, actually had the guts to mimic my work. Not actually the work but the concept. She just changed a bit detail on it. Talking 'bout people who have no originality pfft, YOU sucks big time gal!!

Anyway, one thing that's keeping me busy and away from the computer is yeah the common thing- school. There are just lots of things going on, that sometimes I can't even find time for myself. Good thing my love life is going smoothly now, that's the only positive thing I can say.

Ohh and by theway this one’s good, you should watch it.

I have come to really love this movie..
grabe sobrang nakaka-touch..
and it will surely teach you a lot about
TRUE LOVE, sacrifices and appreciation..
you should watch it..
but don't forget to bring tissues with yah *wink*

My Verrry First Lay Out

2005-09-20T20:13:00.000+08:00

yeah.. hehe
what can you say?? hmm actually hindi pa xia tapos..
pero konting ayos na lang naman hehe..
uhmm yun muna..
be back for some updates tomorrow..

F*ck

2005-09-04T22:25:00.000+08:00

I’m so pissed off. I don't think anybody understands me anymore. My mom, obviously, in the way she talks to me, doesn't trust me. Gahd! What in the world is on her mind? I'm young and enjoying life and there she goes as if telling me everything I'm doing is just ain't right. When in reality she doesn't even know me. How could she? She's not even here with me? Damn! She'll always ask me to make kwento to her, after I make kwento she'll sound to be refraining me from what I'm doing. Whatta?! Arrggh!! Whatever!! For God's sake, I'm not doing anything to ruin my life! and I will never do anything as such! pfft! What's new? I'm used to this. I'm used to being the only misunderstood person in the family. Oops! What family?

Masquerade

2005-08-24T22:20:00.000+08:00

Here goes that feeling again. One by one it's all coming back. As much as I wanted to forget all about it, seems like my heart wouldn't allow me to.

Everything is just happening so fast, I don't even know if I'm still on the track.

I'm currently living in uncertainty. Not knowing where it would lead or when it would end. I can still feel the past by some means. And it still does tears my heart apart.

I don't know why I keep on allowing people to do this to me. Everybody just seems to be too numb to know what or how I really feel. Nevertheless, I couldn't blame them because the bubbly-active-happy-Kath Masquerade is firmly stuck behind the real tragic world of little Miss Kath (how sad). Well, let me be sad. Let me drown in these tears for a while. Someday, somehow you'll get to see me again glowing and beaming underneath the starry sky.

He said/She said

2005-08-19T23:42:00.000+08:00

Got this from my FRIENDSTER BULETTIN BOARD.
Read it!!! You'll have fun!! wink

He said . . . I don't know why you wear a bra; you've
got nothing to put in it.
She said .. . You wear pants don't you?

He said ... . .Shall we try swapping positions
tonight?
She said . . . That's a good idea - you stand by the
ironing board while I sit on the sofa.

He said . . .. What have you been doing with all
the grocery money I gave you?
She said .Turn sideways
and look in the mirror!

On a wall in a ladies room . .. . "My husband
follows me everywhere"
Written just below it . .. . " I do not"

Q. How does a man show that he is planning for
the future?

A. He buys two cases of beer.

Q. What is the difference between men and
government
bonds?

A. The bonds mature.

Q.. Why are blonde jokes so short?

A. So men can remember them.

Q. How many men does it take to change a roll of
toilet paper?

A. We don't know; it has never happened.

Q. Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive,
caring and good-looking?

A. They already have boyfriends.

Q. What do you call a woman who knows where
her husband is every night?

A. A widow.

Q. Why are married women heavier than single
women?

A. Single women come home, see what's in the fridge
and go to bed. Married women come home, see
what's in bed and go to the fridge.

Q. What is the one thing that all men at singles
bars
have in common?

A. They're married.

Man says to God: "God, why did you make
woman so
beautiful?"
God says: "So you would love her."
But God," the man says, "why did you make her
so
dumb?"
God says: "So she would love you."

Back to Biz

2005-08-18T20:19:00.000+08:00

Hellouer!!!! Waaaahhh.. I'm back to business. Why? Gusto ko lang!!!

There are really a lot of things that happened to me the past few weeks. I couldn't even picture how I have ever managed to get through those dilemmas.

Anyway, I'm doing better now, kaka-tila lang ng bagyo sa buhay ko [signal # 2] and though I couldn't really make myself fully happy inside and out sa ngayon ok lang.. TULOY PA RIN AKO!

Updates

Studies. The heck, I dunno about it! Wala na naman sa focus.. But at least disente pa ring maituturing ang mga grades ko except sa Health Care (lec),. Busiyet na teacher yan.. galit lang sa block namin kaya lahat mababa.. hmp praning!

Family. What??? Anong family!? *lol*. Ayokong mag-drama so let's not talk about it na lang. Basta I love my mom!!

Friends. So far so good. Though ngayon medyo hindi na ko sumasama sa kanila when I feel na wala naman akong sense dun sa pupuntahan nila or when i got better things to do.
"Tomaan na naman?!"
"Bagong buhay na 'ko tol!!”
"Tae! may klase pa tayo, next time na lang!!!" *wink wink [good girl mode]*

Lovelife. Do we really have to talk about it? I'm single, NOT available!!!
Oh okeii, it's not that we've already gone separate ways.. hell no!! It's just that...
Ewan! Tae nang pag-ibig yan, nauso pa!! putek!!!

I'm back!!! (again)

2005-08-18T09:41:00.000+08:00

Well well well.. nagbabalik po ako.. ;D ang dami kong binabalikan ngayon huh? Una, sa teentalk and ngayon dito naman... well ilang beses ko na rin iniwan 'tong blog na ititch pero still binabalik-balikan ko pa rin.. I hope you missed me haha ;D

Anyway I've changed my layout again (For the nth time). Hope you like it... ['coz I love it!!!) I'll be back for the updates of my existence, prolly later. See y'all!! ;D

Arggghh!! @#$%

2005-07-20T21:37:00.000+08:00

Hmmm it's been a long time... wala lang. I've become so busy in school kase eh and busy trying to find myself. Yep I'm lost! There still haven't been a lot of changes in my life. Pero I can still manage to smile. I am not treating it as a burden naman eh but rather as a "QUEST", a quest for my hidden identity (naks).

These are the weakest days of my life when anyone can shatter my faith on myself with just a word. Painful words. I kept thinking about a lot these days. I dunno if it really does make me think or just plainly makes me dumb making me act before I think, resulting to my mistakes. Arggh no matter how much I try to forget about it.. kung pwede lang I wouldn't have said those things I've just said. Siguro kung nanahimik nalang ako hindi na lumaki ng ganito. Asar!!! Sana lang matapos na 'to kase I am badly longing for peace in my life!!

First Day Madness!!!

2005-06-14T21:55:00.000+08:00

i didn't expect my first day of school as a bSN soph would be this non sense and annoying...

Why?

first, our room assignment is located fifth floor which is already considered as the "roof top" of the com sci bldg.!!! hell kapagod umakyat noh!!!

second, ...and the comfort rooms are located at the 2nd floor!!! arrgggh

third, only two out of five professors met us today...and my impression would be they are both "katakot"!!!

fourth, our anatomy teacher managed to make sermon and insult one of our classmates on the first day of school!!(just because my classmate chose to express himself in tagalog duh)

fifth, that same teacher consume 3hours of the period and let us go at 8pm, to think it was just the first day!!

WAaahhh!!! Ngayon pa lang i'm thinking na.. Kaya ko ba 'to?

all about my date of birth

2005-06-11T17:55:00.000+08:00

Got this stuff from here

You entered: 1/5/1988

You were born on a Tuesday

under the astrological sign Capricorn.

Your Life path number is 5.

The Julian calendar date of your birth is 2447165.5.

The golden number for 1988 is 13.

The epact number for 1988 is 11.

The year 1988 was a leap year.

As of 6/11/2005 4:41:38 AM CDT

You are 17 years old.

You are 209 months old.

You are 909 weeks old.

You are 6,367 days old.

You are 152,812 hours old.

You are 9,168,761 minutes old.

You are 550,125,698 seconds old.

There are 208 days till your next birthday

on which your cake will have 18 candles on it.

Those 18 candles produce 18 BTU's,

or 4,536 calories of heat (that's only 4.5360 food Calories!) .

You can boil 2.06 US ounces of water with that many candles.

Your birth tree is

Fir Tree, the Mysterious
Extraordinary taste, dignity, cultivated airs, loves anything beautiful, moody, stubborn, tends to egoism but cares for those close to it,rather modest, very ambitious, talented, industrious uncontent lover, many friends, many foes, very reliable.

There are 197 days till Christmas 2005!

The moon's phase on the day you were
born was waning gibbous.

wALaNg tiTLe, waLanG maiSip!!!

2005-06-11T17:39:00.000+08:00

Whatta B-O-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-I-N-G day!!!! That's what my Saturday spells out. I spent the whole morning sleeping and the whole afternoon slouching on the couch, watching TV. After a couple or two of watching senseless TV shows except for my all time favorite picker upper "bulagaan" I finally left the damn tube and switched to playing ragnarok merchant on my mobile phone while SMS-ing my ever so reliable boyfriend (who always saves me from doing nothing). Eventually I got tired of it and instead, continue my occasional session in perfecting the art of staring off to space. Then "poof!" came to my mind… "Oh Kath c'mon GET A LIFE!!!!" It's the last two days before vacation finally bids goodbye and here I am making myself miserable. I think I just really missed school too much. Because there I don't have to deal with the deafening silence I am hearing or not hearing in this detention center, I mean - this house, also I can do a lot more sensible stuffs in school than while I am stuck here.

I missed the bratz, my professors, my block mates, the nursing building, the gymnasium, the cafeteria, the fitness gym, the auditorium, the acacia trees, the grass, the “putek”, the hrm building, the agri hallway, the millennium garden, the botanical garden, the kubo, the EZE, the chem lab, the said haunted C.R.s, the huge mirrors on the corridor, the manong guards, the Xerox machines, the no parking signs, the Phil west. I missed wearing my white nursing uniform and my black ballet flats, my ID which took me two semesters to finally have my hands on it. I missed everything and everyone. I can’t wait for Tuesday now!!!

And you know, just now I felt my brain went empty *arrghh* or was it really empty since the day of my existence? Oh well and I'm wondering when the time will come that I'll post something that will interest some people in this blogging network to read. Hmm maybe in the next hundred years (if I'm still breathing) I will. *Splat* oops there goes my brain.

Catching Raindrops

2005-06-08T23:16:00.000+08:00

A dramatic dark sky begins to drape the once gleaming milieu,
And the wintry quivering zephyr begins to embrace my whole being...
Slowly I've waited for the first drop of rain
To fall as it flickers in the gloomy night of the moon...

My body drenched with cold sappy drip drops of clear water
Falling from the overcast heavens...
Somehow, the rain always gives me a bizarre pleasure
Showering me with unutterable sensation,
Resembling the tears from my eyes
That touches my heart
I danced beneath the gentle drippings of the rain
Gently it washes the misery within…
And as I walked through the lucid vast puddles,
Perceiving a reflection of a mysteriously blissful young woman
I saw myself...
Catching raindrops,
Appearing to be more alive and renewed again.

baton ni shen

2005-06-04T16:19:00.000+08:00

copy paste lang po...

ipinasa sakin ni shen

Total volume of music in my computer:
* 3000 + lang!!!

The last cd i bought was:
* M.Y.M.P. (pirated waheheh)

Song playing right now:
* steep by nina [nina live!]

Five songs I listen to lately or mean a lot to me:
* destiny - it's "our song"!!!
* f*ck it (i don't want you back) by eamon - yun na yun!
* first day funk by parokya ni edgar- really funky song!!
* jam by m.y.m.p - set your spirits free
* hold you down by jLo feat. fat joe - ala lang..

Five people to whom I am passing the baton:
*jane
*leihana
*kristina
*marj
(i have few links pa eh yung iba napasahan na...)

Keep the baton passing. :D

bagong lay-out

2005-06-04T09:45:00.000+08:00

whew

what d'ya think???

it's a dark lay-out pero mas mukhang malinis...

hope you like it!!

Baket???

2005-06-02T14:32:00.000+08:00

bakit nga ba???

Naalala ko nung isang araw sinabi sakin ng ubod ng gwapo kong boyprend habang kami ay nagkwekwentuhan...

"'pag heart broken ka makinig ka ng radyo, halos lahat ng tugtog parang patama sa'yo"

oo nga noh! Bakit nga ba?? Kung kelan durug na durug yung puso mo at ramdam na ramdam mo pa yung sakit saka naman para bang dedicated sa'yo lahat ng kanta sa radyo. Para bang nangungutya pa at pinagduduldulan sa'yo na tanga ka...Pinagsisigawan sa'yo na TALO KA.. kawawa ka naman.

tsk tsk

eh di maiisipan mo ngayon na patayin na lang yung radyo at manood na lang ng t.v.,

ayos na??

Hindi rin!!!

..kase 'pag bukas mo ng t.v. ang palabas FULLHOUSE imbes tuloy kiligin ka naalala mo pa ung mga "happy precious moments" nyo together. Asar! babatuhin mo na sana ng remote yung t.v. kung di lang raratratin ka ng nanay mo ng sermon pag ginawa mo yun.

Lalabas ka. Pag labas mo makikita mo naman yung mga lugar na dating nyong pinupuntahan (which is sa abot ng iyong natatanaw... everywhere!! )

oh hinde!!

Paksyet!!

Gusto mo na lang matulog pero alam mong siya pa rin yung mapapaginipan mo. Hayy naisip mo na tuloy magpakamatay kaso makalat yun kawawa naman yung nanay mo katatpos lang maglinis.

Ano ngayon ang gagawin mo???

ang sagot ko Go ON WITH YOUR BUHAY na lang... eventually mawawala rin yan. Matatapos din lahat ng sakit na nararamdaman mo. Totoo kahit parang hindi. Maniwala ka "things happen for a reason". Madalas ko ngang sinasabi sa magandang babae sa salamin ko yun eh. At 'pag may nawawala may dumadating... (parang ako nung may nawala kahit matagal dumating pa rin yung angel ko.. worth the wait!! saya.. ;D) diba???

Tingin nyo???

cLosUrE

2005-06-01T12:57:00.000+08:00

Past 10 kagabi i'm still awake...

Mag-na9 nung huling magtext sakin si ron. Medyo masama ang pakiramdam. Kaya siguro hindi na nya nagawang mag-reply sa text ko.

Uhm tapoz non hindi ko nah alam...

Ang hirap pala 'pag walang "closure" noh? I mean oo eto simpleng bagay lang, Pwede pang i-tolerate kase may valid reason kung bakit. Pero thinking back sa mga bigger situations na naganap sa buhay ko, ngayon ko na-rerealize how hard it is kapag binitin ka sa ere. Kapag walang closure. Kapag bigla na lang nawala without even knowing na tapos na pala yun.

Habang naglalaro sa isip ko ang salitang closure.

" Hush baby wanna let you know..." tumunog yung puro gasgas kong 6600. May nag-miscall. Hayy akalain mo nga naman, sa dinami-dami ng taong pwedeng magparamdam yung tao pang may kinalaman sa naglalaro sa isip ko ngayon ang nagparamdam.

"Buhay ka pa? Panget!"

sinubukan ko na lang gawing casual, yung tipong ganon pa rin sa dati kahit na alam kong hindi na tulad ng dati.

Ang tagal rin nung panahon hindi siya nagparamdam. Mga panahong inisip kong kontakin siya para ipaalam sa kanya yung mga nangyayari. Pero duwag ako. Duwag ako kase ayaw ko siyang masaktan. Oo dahil hanggang ngayon mahal ko pa din siya. Hindi nga lang gaya ng pagmamahal ko sa angel ko siyempre.

Kaya wala akong ginawa, kahit na alam kong masasaktan at masasaktan pa rin xia kahit panong iwas ang gawin ko. Naisip ko lang kase kapag hindi na lang ako nagparamdam malamang kalimutan na lang niya ko, ganun na rin dahan dahang makakalimutan nya kung ano man ang meron sa amin dati.

Pero parang mali. Kase tulad kagabi.. Hindi ko na alam kung anong gagawin ko nung hindi na nagreply yung angel ko. Matutulog na ba ko? o Maghihintay? na baka kase may ginagawa lang xia pero magtetext din.

GAnon din yun... What if dahil wala ngang closure napaghintay ko siya sa wala??? Nakaka-guilty.

Nung una parang naibalik namin yung dati sa pag-uusap naman sa text... asaran pa rin. Pero yung huli nyang text dun alam ko na, naiintindihan nya kung ano na ang nangyayri... hindi naman siya tanga alam ko yun.

"kathleen, tama na wala ng patutunguhan 'to, wala namang naasar sa'tin.Final na 'to. Hayaan na lang natin kung san tayo dadalin ng daloy ng buhay. ingat ka palage. gudnyt!"

May laman yun diba? Siguro yun na rin yung hinihingi kong closure samin. At least ngayon alam na namin pareho kung san ang lugar namin. Alam na namin kung san kami susunod pupunta. At the same time still hoping na magkikita pa kami ulit. Mag-aasaran... tulad ng dati...bilang magkaibigan.

61st day!!!!

2005-05-31T15:38:00.000+08:00

Supposedly today is a celebration of me and my angel's 2nd month together. But since he's off to Q.C. (studying) while I'm stuck here in Cabanatuan (still bored in the last few weeks of vacation). There's nothing much we can do but use the magic of texting and calling. All's great though because I was able to spend the past two days with him, yesterday on the malls and last Sunday on mass. He even gave me a cute teddy like the one he gave me last week. Only this time it's blue. And also a tiny bear with a pink scarf placed in an equally tiny can. Oooh isn't he sweet??? Though he's not here with me now I'm still in high spirits knowing he loves me soooo much and that's all that matters… :wink:

keira and reika
keutee nila noh???

haYy LiFe..

2005-05-26T14:32:00.000+08:00

I honestly don't know if I should be guilty or not...'bout the pain I'm causing to a person that I once dreamt of being mine. It's not my intention to hurt him I just thought that was the right thing to do. I know I'm being too harsh on him pero kung hindi ko gagawin yun how would I be able to wake him up from the reality that I am deeply in love with mah "angel". I don’t ever wanna go back... but I'll always recall. I'm happy now nad really contented. Walang confusement siguradong sigurado ako sa feelings ko for my angel. But still I hate the fact that I have to cause so much pain to this person just to let him know what we had (kung meron man)was over before it has even began. I will always look back to those days he light up my world. I would always appreciate how he once made me smile and I would always be thankful to him for still loving me despite the complications and despite the reality that I can't give my love back. Hanggang dun na lang yun and as far as I can see I think we can never be friends sa ngayon.

What’s next??? Hindi ko alam... but I'll be ready.

i'M a hEaLthY mix!!!

2005-05-14T12:40:00.000+08:00

ei.. hell no i'm not bisexual!!! (not that there's anything wrong about it) hihi. i'm juz wonderin' what gender is my brain and taddaaa...

the result..

Your Brain is 53.33% Female, 46.67% Male

Your brain is a healthy mix of male and female

You are both sensitive and savvy

Rational and reasonable, you tend to keep level headed

But you also tend to wear your heart on your sleeve

What Gender Is Your Brain?

mEtamORphosiS + cHanGe +

2005-05-11T12:50:00.000+08:00

"You know, I -- I was getting along with everything fine. I accepted it. And then you happened." ~Jamie (A Walk to Remember)

Few months ago I have accepted the fact that yes no matter how many guys there is out there, I will always be sad feeling defeated that the ones I wanted are the ones who are already taken. And at another point, the ones who like me are the ones I'll never learn to love no matter how wonderful a person they are.

There I was trying to enjoy life despite the feeling of real loss in terms of the "love" thingy. I was doing pretty well pretending its okay even I have gotten no nothing during the heart's day (or the fact that I didn’t get the chance to join the lovapalooza ;p), simple and pathetic things like that became really mortifying for me.

But then all of sudden things changed. On the day I never really expected, he happened. Right in front me, there was an angel... smiling, staring at me. I have never realized that that was the beginning of my metamorphosis. Days past and suddenly I wasn't alone anymore. He was there… right beside me, talking to me, listening to me. He was everything I have ever dreamed of (I can hear myself sounding like a hopeless romantic in loved). I can't believe it! I couldn't believe how lucky I am to have ever found such an idiosyncratic beauty (inside and out).

For a month I have been thankful for all the days we spent together. I will always cherish the sweetest days of our lives and hope that it will last. I know things have changed now and I'm pretty sure a lot of hard to handle things will soon came up but knowing we will always be there for each other I know we'll gonna make it far..

mEmoRiEs

2005-05-08T14:02:00.000+08:00

I felt a sudden urge to cry...
Beneath the darkest night
I search for you...
It's all coming back

The music,
The clamor,
The crowd,
It's all the same

The scintillating stars vanished...
The hush of wind murmuring of rain's doubtless existence
I can sense it's near, slowly approaching,

Its back!

The tears finally fell
Rolled down through my cheeks
Kiss my lips
Touch the ground.

Indeed the come back is fulfilled
Doubtless it's still there
Probably will stay
But it will never be the same...

loNg diStanCE

2005-05-06T14:13:00.000+08:00

Separation never became easy… kahit kailan hindi nagging masaya ang sacrifices, at laging masakit ang magpaalam. Ok I know I’m just over reacting… it’s not like we’re breaking up or something, he just have to be “away” for a while (literally). I know sinasabi ko sa kanya na “kaya ko” na “kakayanin ko” but still hindi ko pa rin maialis na matakot. Not that wala akong tiwala sa kanya but because wala akong tiwala sa mga taong nakapaligid sa kanya.. Isa pa I hate the fact that there might be times na kailanganin nya ko but I can’t be there for him…damn! Anyhow crying time is over… wala na ring use kung iiyak pa ko. Mahirap, masakit but we have to live with it for a while. LOVE will keep us ALIVE.

mArviN tHe MarTiaN

2005-05-01T13:39:00.000+08:00

Greetings Earthlings!!!

Let's pay tribute to my one and only favorite Martian-> Marvin! ;D
I started adoring this cute (at least I think) little martian way back 2000, after I get pissed off of hello kitty and tweety's nauseating faces (peace)... well I just think martians are much more out of the ordinary than cats and birds.

Prepare to meet the star of the show...

Marvin the Martian

Since the dawn of time, man has pondered an age-old question: Is there life on other planets? After meeting Marvin The Martian we have learned that yes, aliens do exist. They exist to cause Earthlings trouble.
Wondering what a Martian looks like? Well, if we take a cue from Marvin The Martian we can conclude that a Martian wears a Roman warrior's helmet, a gladiator's skirt, and oversized tennis shoes. Our lovable Martian is a head shorter than Bugs Bunny, his hands are bigger than his chest, and he speaks in a distinctive, aristocratic voice.
Marvin The Martian's looks are so unique that Bugs Bunny actually confused him for a child in a Halloween costume! No one ever said Martians would be recognizable!
Marvin The Martian is a persistent ambassador from the Planet Mars. He has flown his Interplanetary Flying Saucer on missions to the moon, to the Earth, even to the mysterious Planet X. He is assigned different types of missions. Sometimes he is called upon to study the solar system. This includes Earth and the Earth creatures.
On one mission, while collecting the Earth specimen Bugs Bunny, Marvin The Martian becomes so focused on following his orders that Bugs fools Marvin The Martian by telling him a wild story about his rocket hitting a Titanic-style iceberg. Too much focus can be a bad thing.
Sometimes Earth can be so annoying to Marvin The Martian. Even Earth's poposition in the solar system can annoy him. Especially so when it obstructs his view of Venus!
Marvin The Martian eagerly accepts all missions. But even as dedicated as he is, at times he can run into "technical difficulty".
Marvin The Martian has a whole host of space age tools to aid him in his efforts. The Illudium Pew 36 Explosive Space is part of his arsenal. Marvin The Martian's Disintegrating Pistol is also a tool of his trade. Beware, it can also shoot in reverse! Marvin The Martian also has an army of 10,000 Instant Martians ("Just add water"). But those intimidating, gangly warriors have been known to fall off the sides of space stations and disappear forever. Marvin The Martian uses an Acme Time-Space Gun that is supposed to send his adversaries into the future. However, when dealing with Bugs Bunny on one occasion, he accidentally leaves the gun in reverse, causing a giant Neanderthal Bugs to appear and thwart his Martian goals.
When Marvin The Martian threatens the planet Earth he frequently gets into altercations. Sometimes his dedication to these assignments can get the better of him. When he attempts to claim Planet X for Mars. He competes so forcefully for the planet that he and Duck Dodgers destroy both their spaceships and the planet!
Marvin The Martian doesn't get much more help from his trusted sidekick, K-9, who may know a few tricks, but is also very easily tricked. And Hugo, his Abominable Snowman, turns on him, even after the alien master has tried to find him a pet rabbit of his own.
Poor Marvin The Martian. He tries so hard to successfully complete his mission, but in the end his efforts don't materialize as he had hoped. And as Marvin The Martian always says, "Being disintegrated makes me very angry. Very angry indeed." Can't blame an alien for trying.

whatta!!!

2005-04-30T13:36:00.000+08:00

Flipping back through the pages of my offline journal exactly one year ago, we were just busy then arranging everything we need to cross the threshold of the dreadful humanity of college life. 365 days past, finally starting to overcome the “adjustment” periods, realizing that it’s not high school anymore where you can name practically everyone you see or can get away joining extra-curricular acts but still gets 90 (or exempted). It’s really a big world out there, a different world, so many unfamiliar faces (and places) so many things to learn… and I am not really sure if I have learned something good in my first year. I know I did learned something, I’m just ain’t sure if there is any good about it or it’s just another pure bliss of the little monster in me (I plead guilty, I did not really take my BSN level I seriously.).

Time really flies fast. I just hope the coming year will do a little more good than harm on me. I’m trying to change for the better. ;D

uNioN oF soULs

2005-03-31T23:30:00.000+08:00

I don't wanna give much detail about what happened today but it sure does gonna change my life (again). Today, I declared myself out of the single's club for the third time!!! Still hoping this would be the last...

I knew I have told myself thousand times before that I am never ever gonna fall in love again (at least for this year). But oh well things change... "mapaglaro ang tadhana". You can never tell when you'll meet that special guy who could sweep you off your feet by just propelling his sweetest smile upon you.

Officially, this day now marks as "our special day". Wala na lang sanang kokontra!!!

sHatTereD

2005-03-29T10:03:00.000+08:00

The rage and grief begin to fade
The constant ache of loneliness retreats
Emotions fade to nothingness as a numbing fog steals over my very soul
The only true feeling is fear
I feel myself stepping out of my body
Watching as my world crumbles through sightless eyes, empty soul
I fear I'll never again feel passion and joy or even the anger or despair
I so desperately cling to
I try to smile but my eyes betray me
I try to cry but the tears won't flow
I bitterly eavesdrop on a world that betrayed me
Their lives go on
While mine is a purgatory from which I may never return

t00 laTe!!!

2005-03-27T13:08:00.000+08:00

Bakit ganun? When you have finally given up waiting for that certain person, at kung kelan meron ng dumating saka naman xia babalik at aaminin sa'yo that all this time he felt the same. Wala ka namang magawa. What else should you do when the feelings you once had for him has already fade away? At the same time "sayang" diba? Bakit ngayon lang??? GRrr now I dunno if I should be mad or sorry for him. Naisip ko tuloy sometimes it’s better NEVER than ~~LATE~~...

haPpy hEaRt'S daY!!!

2005-02-15T14:35:00.000+08:00

happy? not for me!!! iniisip ko tuloy kung sino ba nagpa-uso ng valentine... p*nyeta xia!!! wakekek j.k. this are just one of the days i totally hate!!! walang kwenta.. pakiramdam ko pa eh nang-iingit pang lalo yung mga "couples" sa tabi-tabi.. it suckks!!! damang-dama ko ang pagiging SINGLE wahhhhh.. ayos lang yun!!!

bEauTy buT nO bRaiNs???

2005-02-13T14:28:00.000+08:00

Judge: “How can you bridge the generation gap between parents and their children?”

Sagot ni # 03: [tahimik for about 10 seconds] ahhhmmm…

Audience: woo

Pamaya-maya tinagalog ni judge ang tanong

Contestant # 03: ahhhmmm?????

Audience: tsk tsk

Contestant # 03: ahh through prayers po, kahit po malayo ang magulang maipapramdam po natin ang pagmamahal sa pamamagitan ng prayers.

Nyekkk!!! Ano daw? Ayoko sanang manlait ng tao pero sayang ang ganda niya. Alam ko hindi ako matalinong tao pero hmp never mind zip my outh na lang...

Anyway that was a scene from last night’s pageant [Mr. and Ms. Wesleyan].
And my abiding question for today “What is beauty if the brain is empty?” wahehe

me dAy

2005-01-06T14:26:00.000+08:00

Today’s my seventeenth year enjoying the journey of existence. I could say I’m really proud of myself making it this far despite of everything that hindered my way. I’m this close to entering “adulthood” and I’ll make sure to splurge the last few days and months of me being a minor to be a blast.

The dragon will let out a big ball of fire this year of the rooster!!! Get ready :wink:

s0mE FacTs abOut mOi

2004-12-31T14:23:00.000+08:00

Some facts about moi^_^

PUT AN ASTERISK BESIDE THE ONE THATS
TRUE ABOUT YOU.

01. i have a cell phone. * (lahat nman yata..)
02. i have friends who use me. * (sadly)
03. i am an only child.
04. i am a shopoholic.
05. i love dangly earrings.
06. i have smoked a cigarette before.
07. i love cold weather. *
08. i'm obsessed with the computer.* (slight)
09. i have shot a gun before.
10. i can't live without music. * (truely-li ;D)
11. i have no tolerance of ignorant people.
12. i have ridden on a motorcycle before.*
13. i'll be in this town forever.
14. i've been to 5 other countries.
15. i get annoyed easily.*
16. i eventually want kids. *
17. i have neat handwriting.* (i think?)
18. i have more than a few horrible memories. *
19. i am addicted to chocolate.* (not totally)
20. i am an atheist.
21. my parents are strict. * (sometimes)
22. i love airplane rides. *
23. i love taking pictures. *
24. i hate girls who are fake. *
25. i can be mean when i want to. *
26. my parents care about my grades. *
27. one of my best friends is a guy. *
28. i have way too many purses.
29. i'm obsessed with lip gloss. *
30. i love ice cream. * (cookies and cream..yum!!!)
31. i would never eat raw fish.*
32. i cry easily.
33. i hate it when people are late. * (yeah pero aq din)
34. i procrastinate. *
35. i love winter.( maybe i would kung meron dito..)
36. i have too many clothes for my closet/dresser.
37. i love to sleep. (I am almost 24/7 awake!!!)
38. i wish i were smarter. *
39. i'm afraid of flying.
40. i hate drama.
41. i bite my nails.
42. i have been on an 8 hour drive.
43. i never fight with my parents.
44. i love the beach. *
45. i have never had the chicken pox.
46. i have gone out in public in my pajamas.* (when i was younger..)
47. i can't control my emotions.
48. i have a best friend. * (my boyfriend)
49. i have moved more than once.*
50. i truly love my friends.*
51. i have braces.
52. i love to write. * (kahit madalas non-sense)
53. i have never broken a bone. *
54. i agree with racist people.
55. i hate my computer.
56. i love guys that play guitar.* (i like them, that is!!)
57. i state the obvious. *
58. i'm (generally) a happy person. *
59. i love to dance. * (thought i am not good at it,i wish i was!!)
60. i love to sing. * (definitely!)
61. i love cleaning my room. *
62. i tend to get jealous very easily. *
63. i have gotten high before.
64. i have gotten high on drugs before.
65. i love night better than day.*
66. i have been on the phone for over 5 hours
at a time.*
67. i don't like to study for tests. *
68. i love God.***********************
69. i am too forgiving. *
70. i have horrible sense in direction.
71. i miss elementary school.*
72. i have had a boyfriend before.*
73. i'm a daddy's girl.
74. i love kisses on my forehead. *
75. i love the color pink. *
76. i love to sew.
77. my eye color changes.
78. i should see a therapist.
79. i played on a guys sports team.
80. i become stressed easily.
81. i hate liars. *
82. i like comfy sweatpants. *
83. i can play the piano. *
84. i love the smell of rain. *
85. i love my family. *
86. i hate needles.
87. i am a perfectionist.
88. i always wanted to learn to play the drums.
89. i hate the feeling of failure. *
90. i have friends in other countries. *
91. i know how to cook.* (fried? hey i tried!)
92. i can be quite selfish. *
93. at times, i still act like a little kid. *
94. i have food allergies.*
95. i love little kids. *
96. i love to read. *
97. i wish i were more motivated for school. *
98. i love getting stuff in the mail.
99. i have problems with letting go of old feelings. *
100. i hate being alone.*
101. i love summer. *
102. i love the weekends. *
103. i love black eyeliner. *
104. i think i'm pretty. * (confident..haha)
105. i type with one hand.
106. i live in a one storey house.*
107. i wear make-up. (when needed)
108. i have never ridden on an underground subway. *
109. i can't swim. *
110. i have bad memory. ***** (grrr sobra)
111. i go to church. *
112. i sing in the shower. *
113. i have never been camping.
114. i hate cheerleaders.
115. i am a foreigner.
116. i love blue. *
117. i hate someone. *
118. i'm in love with someone. *
119. i never held a snake. * (scary)
120. i like this survey. *

kApG giNuLo kA nG paG-ibiG

2004-11-10T14:20:00.000+08:00

>>Kapag Ginulo ka ng Pag-ibig
>
>>Marami kang iniisip, naiisip at gustong isipin.
>
>Pero mas gusto mong malaman ng lahat ng tao ang lahat ng kabangagan mo.
Wala lang.
>
>>Magpapansin. Umasang may mag-rereply sa senseless
thoughts mo.
>
>>Mag-advice. Magsabing, "Oo.. naiintindihan kita.."

>>Pero ayos lang sayo kahit di nila basahin to. Bakit
pa? Sino ka ba?
>
>>Nakakadiri. Ayaw mong tuksuhin ka nilang, "yuck!!
Ang mushy mo pala!!"
>
>>Sa lahat ng kaibigan mong humihingi ng advice
tungkol sa pag-ibig,
>
>>ang sinasabi mo lang palagi, "Tange, kalimutan mo na
lang yang nararamdaman mo.
>
>>Korni mo e. Ang OA mo pa. Guguluhin lang nyan
buhay mo."
>
>>Ang sasabihin pa nila sayo, "Talaga? Buti ka pa, wala
kang lovelife.
>
>>Di ka stressed. Di ka kinakabahan palagi --"
>
>>"At di ako mukhang tanga."
>
> >May na-offend ka na naman. Pero pakialam mo ba sa
kanila? Totoo naman ah.
>
>>Tapos bigla mong mare-realize, may problema ka na
rin pala. Hayop talaga.
>
>>Gusto mong sumigaw. Bakit may nanggugulo na
rin ng buhay mo ngayon?
>
>
> >Ang dami mong crush, grabe. Yung isang classmate mo
sa Math6, isa
sa
>
> >Physics, dalawa sa History, dalawa sa PE2, isa sa
Filipino at isa sa Chem2.
>
>>Si mike cortez ng archers, si George Chia ng Blue
Eagles, si Rukawa ng
>
>>Shohoku. Si Dao Ming Shi at si Mei Zhuo ng F4. Si
Alex Band.
>
>>Si Legolas. Si Harry Potter.
>
>>Sixteen. Imagine?
>
>>Pero di naman nila ginugulo ang buhay mo.
>
>>Ayos lang di ba? Kaso may isang taong di mo
maintindihan kung bakit
>
>>kahit anong gawin mo, talagang ginugulo pa rin niya
yung buhay mo.
>
>>Para siyang mangkukulam. Kahit saan nakikita mo
sya.
>
>>Inalis mo na noon yung pangalan nya sa phone mo.
Kaso sinulat mo pa
>
>>rin yung number nya sa diary mo. Engot ka talaga.
Tapos nilagay mo
>
>>ulit sa cell mo. Tapos inalis mo ulit kase nainis
ka. Naihagis mo pa
>
>>nga sa kama mo yung phone mo e. Tapos naisip mo
wala rin namang
epekto
>
>>kung nasa cell mo siya o wala, kaya nilagay mo na
lang ulit.
>
>>Tapos binura mo na talaga ngayon. Panahon na para
kalimutan na
talaga
>
>>sya --- naiisip mo.
>
> >Okay na? Hinde. Mas malala.
>
>>Na-memorize mo na kase yung number nya. Tsk tsk
tsk. Naaawa ka na talaga sa sarili mo.
>
>>Naiinis ka pa kapag sinasabi sayo ng mga kaibigan
mo, "Nakita ko sha
sa
>
>>mall kanina." Asar na asar ka. Sabay sigaw with
matching facial
>
>>__expression, "PAKEELAM KO?"
>
> >At magtatanong sila ng isang tanong na matagal mo
nang hinihintay na
>
> >sagutin sa harap ng maraming tao: "Baket? Ayaw mo
na ba sa kanya?"
>
> >Tatahimik ka muna. Parang si Lei sa harap ni Tang
Chin.
>
>>Magbubuntung-hininga. Tititigan silang lahat na
naghihintay ng sagot mo.
>
> >Biglang magkakaron ng split personality disorder,
ngingiti at
>
>>magsasalita: "Sino yon?"
>
> >Nagandahan ka sa ginawa mo. Effective. Wow, para
talagang di na nya
>
>>kilala.
>
> >Biglang makikita mo siya. Ayun. Mabubuwisit ka
talaga. Maaalala mo
>
>>yung mga panahong pinagmukha ka niyang tanga. Yung
panahong kailangan mo siya.
>
>>Yung panahong iniwan ka nya sa ere... Yung panahong tinalikuran ka nya.
>
> >Masisira ang araw mo. Wala ka sa mood
makipagtawanan. Sisigawan mo
>
>>ang kaibigan mong natapakan ang white rubber shoes
mo. Gugustuhin mong
>
>>balatan ng buhay ang lahat ng taong nagtatanong
kung bakit ka wala sa mood.
>
>>Hihilingin mong makapag-teleport ka
papuntang Egypt.
>
> >At bigla mong maririnig ang isa sa mga kaibigan mo,
"Ganyan talaga pag
>
>>in-love." May background pang mga palihim na tawa.
At sabay-sabay
>
>>silang kakanta ng --- > crazy For You
>
>>Di ka makakapagsalita. Mararamdaman mong umiinit
yung tenga mo, yung
>
>>leeg mo, yung mukha mo. Bigla mong maiisip ang
pinakaepektibong
>
>>palusot, ngingiti at magsasalita, "Sino yon?"
>
> >Ayos na sana, kaso di mo naisip na mali yung
statement mo. At bago
mo
>
>>pa mabawi ang sinabi mo, sasabihin na nila, "Baket?
Me sinabe bang
>
>>pangalan??? wahhh!! Halata!!!"
>
>>Feeling mo masusunog na sa init yung mukha mo.
>
>>Kahit anong pilit mong kalimutan siya, mabilis
talagang kumalat ang
>
>>balita. Minsan naglalakad ka. May masasalubong kang
dalawang taong di
>
>>mo kilala. Magbubulungan sila. Titingnan ka, mula
ulo hanggang paa,
>
>>at maririnig mo ang isang bulong: "Yan ba?"
>
>>Grabe, ang ganda na naman ng araw mo.
>
>>Di mo na lang papansinin. Kahit nakikilala mo na
sila. Isang araw
>
>>naman nakikipagkwentuhan ka sa isang ka-block mo.
Gwapo. Niloloko mo
>
>>pa nga tong taong to na siya na ang pinakagwapong
taong nakita mo sa
>
>>personal. Hehe, tawa nya. Ang saya-saya mo, biglang
may dadaan sa
>
>>likod mo na dalawang taong di sinasadyang naging
pamilyar na sayo.
>
>>Lumingon ka, at pagtalikod mo, nagsalita ang isa:
"Pinagpapantasyahan e no?"
>
>>Sasagot ang isa pa, "Oo nga."
>
>>Oh hindee!!! Anong nagawa mo??
>
>>Titigil ka na sa pakikipagkwentuhan. Aalis ka na
lang na punung-puno ng sama ng loob.
>
>>Naaasar ka sa lahat ng tao. Bakit kailangang
pakialaman ang buhay ng
>
>>taong ni hindi nila kilala? Bakit kailangang
pagtawanan at ipagkalat
>
>>ang mga bagay na di na dapat pinag-uusapan? Marami
pang version yung
>
>>mga naririnig mo sa kanila. Minsan ganito, "Siya
yun." O kaya, "Ows?
>
>>Yan yon?" Hayop. Marathon eavesdropper ka kase.
>
>>Kahit ikaw mandidiri sa iniisip mo.
>
>>At matapos mong malaman ang lahat ng bagay tungkol
sa kanya, kahit
yung
>
>>nilihim nya at nalaman mo lang nung tapos na,
naisip mong kalimutan na lang talaga siya.
>
>>One time nakipag-chat ka.
>
>> musta luvlyf?
>
>> meron b?
>
>> …wlang kwenta
>
>> ows? bkt?
>
>> basta. wla syang kwenta.
>
>> mahal mo?
>
>> huh?
>
>> mhl mo p rn un.
>
>> weh
>
>> honestly, mhl m p rn ba?
>
>> argh!
>
>> ewan
>
>> wlang kwenta pero mhl mo?
>
>> tsk tsk
>
>>Matitigilan ka. Tititigan mo yung monitor ng
matagal.
>
>> am i ryt?
>
>>
>
>> hey
>
>>
>
>>Ita-type mo yung "gtg" nang di oras. May kasama
pang "nys miting u"
>
>>para di halatang nabwisit ka sa sinabi nya. Alt-F4.
Disconnect. Shut down.
>
> >Asar na asar ka na talaga sa sarili mo. Di mo na
gustong
mag-teleport.
>
>> Gusto mo na lang talagang ma-dissolve sa hangin.
>
>>Ikaw na ngayon ang nangangailangan ng advice. Pero
walang kwenta lahat g sinabi nila.
>
>>n "Kalimutan mo na siya." PAANO? "Wag
ka kase magpapaapekto.
>
>> Wag mo isipin yung sinasabi ng ibang
tao." HA?!? ANG LABO!!!
>
>> "Marami pang iba jan!" EH SIYA NGA LANG
EH!!! Aasarin ka pa
>
>>kapag sinabi nilang, "Bakit di na lang si _____?
Yihee! Okay naman siya ah."
>
>> Ngek, ano yun, ganon lang kadali?
>
>>Nakatitig ka ngayon sa monitor. Pabalik-balik ka
lang sa lyrics.com,
>
>>sa google, at sa email composer mo. Nakakainis. Di mo
na alam kung ano pa ang sasabihin mo.
>
> >Tama, bwisit sa buhay yang feelings na yan. May
magtatanong pa,
"Bakit
>
>>mo ba yon mahal?" Wow pare, wala kang maisagot. Buti pa sa Math pwede
>
>>kang manghula ng formula, pwede mong paglaruan ang
solution mo. May
>
>>partial points ka pa. Eh sa tanong na yon? Tsk tsk.
Malabong mangyari yon.
>
>>At kung BS Love and Affection ang course mo, ‘tol…
mas mabuti pang
>
> >mag-shift ka na lang sa BA Emotionlessness and
Insensitivity habang
>
>>maaga. Malamang magkita pa kayo don.
>
> >Paulit-ulit mong sinasabi sa sarili mo na wala ka
na talagang pakialam
>
>>sa kanya. Pero bakit pag nakikita mo siya,
natitigilan ka pa rin?
>
>>Minsan, kaibigan mo na yung nagsasabi sayo, “O,
kala ko ba wala na?”
>
> >Tatawa ka na lang. Lalakasan mo para di mahalata
yung teary eyes mo.
>
>>Di ka na naman makakapagsalita. Litong-lito ka na.
Di mo alam kung
>
>>bakit nga ba ganon. Kung bakit ka apektado. Kung
bakit nagbabago ang
>
>>lahat pag nandiyan siya. Kung bakit gustung-gusto mo siyang bigyan ng
>
>>nerve cells para maramdaman niya ang lahat… Lahat.
>
>>Ngayon, ipapadala mo to sa mga kaibigan mo, sa mga
ka-block mo, at sa
> iba pang taong wala talagang pakialam sayo. Sa
kanilang lahat, di mo
>
>>alam kung sino talaga ang may tiyagang tapusin ang
ganito kahabang
>
>>senseless na mensahe. Di mo rin alam kung sino
talaga ang mag-iisip
>
>>para sayo. Di mo alam kung sino ang maaapektuhan.
>
>>Somehow, gusto mong ma-disconnect ka na lang bigla.
Maubusan ng
>
>>internet credits. Sabugan ng pc. Mag-brown-out.
Biglang
>
>>mag-collapse. Umiyak. Malunod. Maging ipis. Uminom
ng 1boteng paracetamol.
>
> >Mabagsakan ng asteroid. Maglahong parang bula.
>
>>Kase, tama yung sinabi ng naka-chat mo. Sinasabi
mong walang kwenta,
>
>>pero mahal mo.
>
>>
>
>>Sobra.

bAd daY!!!

2004-11-07T14:10:00.000+08:00

This is just one of the few days I hate waking up and realizing that I’m in love...

Things were never this tough, falling in love with someone who’s never meant for you. Knowing he’s just a friend and never will he has second thoughts of thinking of you more than a friend. It’s really true when they said that in life we have to get hurt to learn a valuable lesson.